grilled cheese reinvented.

[photo taken by me. you better believe it. how are my food styling skills coming along?]

the best thing since grilled cheese sandwiches...

is a grilled cheese sandwich made on sourdough bread.

with pepperjack cheese.

avocado.

bacon.

and apple slices.

yes, apple slices.

i am obsessed.

christmas in california.

a long time ago my dad bought me some reflectors for my photography.

when i was home in december, he told me i should probably pull them out and use them sometime.

so on christmas, with my cousins, i did.

ps. i never have any one take pictures of me, so this was kind of exciting.

[britney, my grumpy assistant]

[the one on the right was my favorite picture all day]

[then it started getting dark because we took so long getting ready]

[oh. and here's me]

dear husband [that i don't have yet],

i was thinking about you today.

i spent a few hours painting today - sitting on the floor, then on the couch - and my back was not very happy with that set-up. which made me think: husband, i certainly hope our home will have an art studio for me. 

so i kept thinking. of all the other wonderful things our home will have. white cabinets and lots of windows in the kitchen. a breakfast nook. a red front door. or maybe a black one. i'll let you choose. a neverland playroom with a giant treasure map painted on the wall... 

then i started to feel bad for you. and not just because of the handy-man role you'll have in our marriage. you see husband [that i don't have yet], i hate to admit this, but sometimes i can be needy. sometimes i get sad for no reason and i will need you to help me be happy. some days my hair will absolutely not do what i want it to, and i will need you to tell me i look pretty anyway. sometimes i may not feel like getting out of bed in the morning, and you might need to give me a little push - possibly a literal one. 

like i said. i am needy. you can't say i didn't warn you.

i will need you to say 'i love you' every day.

and i will need you to dance with me in the kitchen when i don't feel like starting on the dishes yet.

i will need you to tickle me when i'm mad at you for beating me in a game. [you beating me probably won't happen very often though, unless it's a stupid game that i probably didn't want to play in the first place, just saying].

and i might need you to carry me to bed when i fall asleep on the couch during a movie.

but before you go running off, i promise that being married to me will have it's fair share of benefits. 

i promise i'll kiss you a lot. [and i mean a lot]. and you'll probably like it. who am i kidding? i know you'll like it. we'll probably do lots of other things too, but i can't talk about that here because my mom will get mad at me. you know, like play board games and stuff.

speaking of board games, i'm a pretty awesome person to have on your team. 9 times out of 10, we'll win. pictionary, disney scene it, even other things like bowling or miniature golf, you name it... all of the other couples at game night will be pretty jealous of our awesomeness.

i make a pretty mean lasagna - even though i stole the recipe from my mom. i bet even if you don't like lasagna that much you will like mine. i actually can make lots of good dinners. and if you tell me you don't like casseroles with cooked broccoli in them, i promise i will use something different. and if there is a good football game on tv, i won't even mind if you want to watch it instead of helping [just don't get carried away]. i will make you whatever dessert you want for your birthday, and probably for lots of your unbirthdays as well.

i will say lots of stupid things and won't get mad when you laugh.

i will give you lots of pretty babies.

and i will always make you happy. i promise. even if it means rubbing your back when it feels like the longest 10 minutes of my life.

i like to think that it's a pretty good deal. in fact, i'm making lasagna tomorrow if you would like to come for dinner.

xoxo.

jana

family pictures.

i've been a terrible blogger. long story.

so here are a few family pictures i've taken over the past few months to make up for my little hiatus.

last christmas eve.

i was running around the streets of san francisco with some of my favorite cousins.

this christmas eve i've spent most of the day sleeping, trying to feel a little better than i have the last 2 days. welcome home to me!

luckily, i feel a little better today than i did yesterday. here's hoping to feeling even better tomorrow in time for christmas.

hope everyone's holidays are lovely and sickness-free :)

xoxo.

jana

it's fun taking pictures of people you know really well.

exhibit a.

let it snow.

if you look really close, you can see little snow flakes in my hair.

the snow is actually all melting off of the ground, and it's sad.

yes, it is hard having such pretty roommates. i need to make friends with uglier people to help out my self-esteem.

we wanted to make a christmas card, and we took this picture outside our favorite family restaurant. j dawgs. it's a hot dog joint. i know what you're thinking... hot dogs are only acceptable at baseball games, camp outs, and when you're really hungry at a ward activity - but j dawgs defies all laws of hot dogs. it is honestly that good. our outfits actually coordinated very well, but it was so cold that the roommates left their jackets on and we decided this would do. we didn't make a christmas card, but at least we have a picture of the 3 of us.

i'm tired. tired tired. i didn't go to sleep last night. i have 2 finals today. and then i'm taking a deep breath. i swear, each semester is more and more stressful and i don't get it. i keep thinking my life will calm down, but then it doesn't

if i had a nickel for every time someone said "jana, things like that don't happen to people in real life" i would have a million dollars. really. i'm going to write a book about how ridiculous my life is. i'm pretty sure right now i'm living out the notebook. probably a little too much info for the blog, but whatever... nicholas sparks makes it look way too easy. 

i wish i was flying to california today. december 22nd please come soon.

i have a christmas dinner party every year with my girlfriends from high school. one of my favorite parts is handmaking and sending out the invitations. i didn't do it this year. and i'm sad. maybe i'll make some and mail them out tomorrow - they'll probably get to everyone the day after the party. hmmm. oh well. there's always next year.

when is it too early in the morning to drink diet coke? i didn't go to sleep, so 8am doesn't really apply to me, right?

my mom sends me funny things in e-mails. and then i'm bad at e-mailing back. but mom, i think you're funny. [blog posts are better than e-mails because everyone can read them, so this covers a few of my non-responses].

sometimes i straighten my hair specifically so i don't have to wash it for a few days but i know it will still look nice. i did that on wednesday. hello third day hair. it's finals week, lay off me.

i have been crying every day lately. every day. there is something wrong with me. i went a whole year without crying once, and this last month i have been a basket case. i remember that no-crying year though, and i thought something was wrong with me then too. no really, i remember sitting in my car one day after a track meet in high school thinking 'i want to cry. cry jana. i don't want to forget how.' i'm so weird. anyway, i wonder which is worse.

i've lost over 10 lbs in the last couple months. which is weird. one, because i don't know how. and two, i don't look any skinnier so i'm pretty sure i've just lost all muscle. but there's still something very fulfilling about seeing a number on the scale that's under 130.

i have to go do a painting and study and take 2 finals in the next couple hours. awesome.

dear 2010,

please come quick and bring me happy things. just saying.

xoxo.

jana