monday brain dump.

long weekend. 

my body hurts. 

friday, alexandra (the roommate) and i drove up to play cards and make pizzas with the boy and his roommate. she had never been up there with me before, and it was kind of fun for her to see a part of my life that she has definitely been missing out on. the pizzas were completely homemade and delicious. and i was so glad that alexandra is just as competitive as me when it comes to silly card games.

saturday, the boy and i decided to play tennis. i used to play tennis all the time in high school, and we've been talking about playing forever. let me just tell you, that i have not worked out in close to 2 months. and that is why my body hurts. yes, i am a sissy.

sunday, we made dinner for a friend of the boy that just had their first baby about a month ago. i made pioneer woman's macaroni + cheese but was not too impressed - no offense pioneer woman, don't hate me. i actually really liked it before it was baked, so i have this awesome idea to make it just how i like it. i'm kind of dying to try it again this week, just a little bit tweaked - so stay tuned.

besides that, i should be studying for my biology test that i have to take today. and as soon as i'm done with class, i'm taking the boy to the bean museum on campus for a nature photography exhibit. i'm terrible at taking photos of nature, and he loves it, so it will be a good experience for both of us. the picture above is the best i can do with landscapes. my bad. i'm a portrait kind of photographer.

so i'm having these struggles with my blog. i've been wanting to do a makeover for a while now. i want it to be personal, but i want it to look professional, and well, i struggle. everyone says to just have 2 separate blogs, but i just don't want to. is that silly of me? is separate better? hmmm. choices, choices.

i've been having other struggles too. with babies. everyone is getting to have babies lately. except me. (i realize that i have to be married first, but we are just going to overlook that for the sake of this argument). until now, it has never been that bad. i just figured that as long as my sister-in-laws kept the babies coming, it would hold me over until i could have babies of my own. only, it doesn't work out like that when the babies are 800 miles away! and boys just don't understand that there is a difference between meeting a baby as a newborn, and meeting them as a 4 month old. it's like they are a completely different person by then. am i the only one who thinks this way? i actually know i'm not, i just wish that there was a way for me to describe it in a more logical manner - boys understand logic.

i need a kitchen with windows. for picture-taking purposes.

i cook in my boyfriend's kitchen a lot, for a few reasons. one, he lives in a super nice condo with granite countertops and it's just a pretty kitchen to cook in. two, he only has one roommate (usually i'm cooking for the 3 of us) so i don't have to worry about being in anybody's way. and three, if his roommate is home - he knows more about cooking than i do. honestly. it's awesome. he taught me how to make bread. he told me the scientific reason behind why i don't like baked macaroni + cheese, and he's even taught me how to properly disinfect the kitchen. his name is justin (the friend/roommate), and i told him that i'm taking him with me when i get to register for wedding gifts because i think he knows more about pans than anyone i know. that justin is a good friend to have around.

they have caffeine-free diet coke at crest. they actually have it everywhere in utah. i had no idea. it tastes almost exactly the same. mom, you would be so proud.

well that's enough for today.

oh, but i would like your input on the blog thing. and the baby thing. like i said, i struggle.

xoxo.

jana

so tired. should be sleeping.

but instead i will dump the scattered contents of my brain onto this little blog of mine.

first. help. do you ever have moments where you know you're thinking crazy? i actually loathe the c word, whether it is warranted or not, so we'll just call them slightly irrational feelings for the sake of being nice. anyway, do you ever know that these feelings are slightly irrational, but you still almost want those feelings validated? you know, just a simple "it totally makes sense that you would feel that way." or does validation just facilitate having those c word feelings? oh goodness.

moving on, see the above photo? definitely sewed that man's tailored shirt. from scratch. feel free to congratulate me. remember this post? i decided to scratch everyone's advice and sew the shirt for myself. because i'm selfish, kind of. i wore it with a big brown belt around my waist and my favorite boots - i was quite the fashionista that day, an exciting moment for me. too bad i've only worn it once since.

speaking of the above photo... 1. i am wearing shorts. 2. i like to take pictures when i have cute days [only because it doesn't happen very often]. sometimes i'll even send them to a certain boy while he's at work. partly because it makes him happy, and partly because i feel like sending him cute pictures of me will make him more excited to see me later. win win, right?

my mom and my little sister are driving up from california. they should be here in an hour or so. i'm slightly debating driving down to my grandma's at 1 in the morning so i can see them as soon as they get here - i am just so excited. i love my family. my little sister, jen, has down syndrome, and she cracks me up sometimes. for example, i called my mom's phone tonight to see where they were, but my mom was sleeping so jen answered the phone. [i should clarify that my aunt and uncle are driving the car, my mom was not asleep at the wheel nor was my down syndrome sister driving]. anyway, i told jen to ask what city there were in, so i would know how much longer they would be. after we got off the phone, she felt the need to send me text messages telling me the cities they were passing through. she is actually quite the texter, and at first i thought it was my mom. until i got this text "The city  wyldetrness   we be there  in 3   hours". does anyone know what city that is? apparently it's 3 hours from provo :)

my little bed that i sleep in has been making my back hurt. which is partly why i'm blogging right now and not sleeping. in fact, i'll probably sleep on our couch. it is SO much better than my bed. sad.

i did a little desktop detox today. meaning, i organized the assortment of scattered photos that i drag from the internet into a folder called 'pretty things'. for some reason, boys find this really funny. but really, that's exactly what they are. things i think are pretty. not funny. practical.

i have been itching to take some couple photos lately. if you know any attractive couples, send them my way. you'd think i'd have a million friends getting engaged up in utah, but apparently they're all anti-marriage. kidding.

my sister-in-law had her baby last sunday and i am dying to meet him. and dying to have babies. in fact, on facebook the other day, i posted something about being my new nephew's favorite aunt and my young women president from high school commented on it saying "someone please find a cute boy for jana to marry so she can make cute babies of her own." i about died laughing.

speaking of babies, i have been having the worst feelings lately that i'm not going to be able to get pregnant. i've never really been concerned about it until this week. for some odd reason. am i completely ridiculous for even worrying about this right now, or is it normal? [say normal]. 

i want a cupcake. 

more specifically, i want one of these cupcakes. i ate about 10 when my sister made them.

also, i quit diet coke. ok, well i haven't had one in a week which is the best i've done in a while. but i have mixed feelings about it. it makes me happy for the following reasons: it will make my mom happy, and according to her i will get blessings, and i started getting headaches all the time lately and i'm thinking it has to do with the caffeine, so i'll be happy if those stop. i'm sad about it for the following reasons: i miss it. it's like i had to give up a really good friend that would bring a little light into my life whenever i was having a bad day. plus, every time my roommate, alexandra, brings home her crest cup my heart breaks a little. it's like i know that she still gets to hang out with that awesome friend that i miss when i can't. stay strong, jana. stay. strong.

i want to write a book. i have a few ideas. if i get famous and have a book signing, i certainly hope you'll come :)

[oops. this post was way long. does anyone even read to the end when i write so much? i know my sister doesn't. she told me so.]

let it snow.

if you look really close, you can see little snow flakes in my hair.

the snow is actually all melting off of the ground, and it's sad.

yes, it is hard having such pretty roommates. i need to make friends with uglier people to help out my self-esteem.

we wanted to make a christmas card, and we took this picture outside our favorite family restaurant. j dawgs. it's a hot dog joint. i know what you're thinking... hot dogs are only acceptable at baseball games, camp outs, and when you're really hungry at a ward activity - but j dawgs defies all laws of hot dogs. it is honestly that good. our outfits actually coordinated very well, but it was so cold that the roommates left their jackets on and we decided this would do. we didn't make a christmas card, but at least we have a picture of the 3 of us.

i'm tired. tired tired. i didn't go to sleep last night. i have 2 finals today. and then i'm taking a deep breath. i swear, each semester is more and more stressful and i don't get it. i keep thinking my life will calm down, but then it doesn't

if i had a nickel for every time someone said "jana, things like that don't happen to people in real life" i would have a million dollars. really. i'm going to write a book about how ridiculous my life is. i'm pretty sure right now i'm living out the notebook. probably a little too much info for the blog, but whatever... nicholas sparks makes it look way too easy. 

i wish i was flying to california today. december 22nd please come soon.

i have a christmas dinner party every year with my girlfriends from high school. one of my favorite parts is handmaking and sending out the invitations. i didn't do it this year. and i'm sad. maybe i'll make some and mail them out tomorrow - they'll probably get to everyone the day after the party. hmmm. oh well. there's always next year.

when is it too early in the morning to drink diet coke? i didn't go to sleep, so 8am doesn't really apply to me, right?

my mom sends me funny things in e-mails. and then i'm bad at e-mailing back. but mom, i think you're funny. [blog posts are better than e-mails because everyone can read them, so this covers a few of my non-responses].

sometimes i straighten my hair specifically so i don't have to wash it for a few days but i know it will still look nice. i did that on wednesday. hello third day hair. it's finals week, lay off me.

i have been crying every day lately. every day. there is something wrong with me. i went a whole year without crying once, and this last month i have been a basket case. i remember that no-crying year though, and i thought something was wrong with me then too. no really, i remember sitting in my car one day after a track meet in high school thinking 'i want to cry. cry jana. i don't want to forget how.' i'm so weird. anyway, i wonder which is worse.

i've lost over 10 lbs in the last couple months. which is weird. one, because i don't know how. and two, i don't look any skinnier so i'm pretty sure i've just lost all muscle. but there's still something very fulfilling about seeing a number on the scale that's under 130.

i have to go do a painting and study and take 2 finals in the next couple hours. awesome.

dear 2010,

please come quick and bring me happy things. just saying.

xoxo.

jana

fall thoughts.

i'm not very good at photographing nature - i need people in my pictures. but the other day i tried anyway and got this one. i'm kind of proud of it.

i'm ok, i promise. diet coke works wonders. [my dad calls dr. pepper his antidepressant. we're related]. but thank you so so much for your sweet comments and e-mails. you guys are the best.

it's only 3:00, but today has been a really good day. reading my scriptures and working out in the morning is even more effective for happiness than diet coke. [no brainer].

i'm supposed to go home on thursday, and i have so so much to do before then. and i mean SO much. [ps. if you're in the bay area and want some pictures taken this weekend - e-mail me. it will be fun, promise].

i have a bajillion ideas for paintings bouncing around this little head of mine. now to find the time to translate those ideas to the canvas. i'm painting today. i mean it.

i think i'm going to try to make soup again today. keep your fingers crossed that it comes out soup this time.

the fall leaves in utah are starting to disappear. it's sad. one, because i love love fall. two, it's going to start getting colder real soon. i'm not so much a fan of cold.

does anyone watch project runway? because i am so so happy with the final 3 - definitely who i would have picked. i have a feeling irina is going to win. i know she is kind of a mean little woman, but you have to admit that she is good. i'm secretly pulling for carol hannah though - she doesn't really have the 'air' of a fashion designer - but i would wear everything i've seen her put down the runway. sigh. maybe one day ill be cool enough to be on that show. i am taking patternmaking next semester :)

i lost 8 pounds last month. i'm not being the least bit facetious when i say that i don't really know how it happened. especially after finding this recipe. but i'll take it. [by the way, if you haven't tried making these yet, you need to. you will thank me - i promise. i've lost 8 pounds. you can trust me. they're magic cupcakes].

this next one is really random, but it's my blog so i do what i want. i had never realized before today that there are specific washing instructions on the tags of certain underwear. true story. apparently the underwear i'm wearing today are supposed to be tumble dried and removed promptly. because heaven forbid my underwear sit in the dryer a little too long and wrinkle.

is it bad that one of my favorite things about thanksgiving is that you get to start getting ready for christmas as soon as it's over? poor thanksgiving. i really do love you for other reasons too.

i'm going to paint.

right now.

maybe i'll shower first.

or maybe i won't.

xoxo.

jana

i swear i'm still alive.

life has been a little crazy around here lately.

might as well do a little re-cap/brain dump.


i decided that i was a lot pretty when i was 18. i can't quite put my finger on what's different. but it's sad, regardless.

moving on.

my last few weeks of summer were spent doing the following:

fly home home to northern california.

drive 8 hours the next day to southern california. 3 photo shoots that day. 2 photo shoots the next day. then drive the 8 hours back home.

play for a few more days at home with the family.

fly to the boy's home in oregon to meet his family.

play there for 4 days.

drive 14-ish hours back to utah home with him and a friend.

school started last week. i'm actually loving my classes so far and i am quite determined to be a good student this semester. the fact that my schedule isn't completely finalized may not quite be the best start, but whatever. 4.0 here i come. we'll see how long that motivation lasts :). feel free to wish me luck.

i don't have a parking spot at my apartment complex this year [retarded], so i have to park on the street. i got 3 parking tickets last week. awesome. [no, not awesome].

remember my creative drought i posted about? well, the ideas haven't started raining down yet. that + my crazy busy life would probably explain my hiatus in blogging. i feel a creative spell coming next week though. i've been rain dancing. and in the meantime, i have loads of overdue pictures and even a few paintings to share.

does anyone watch project runway? i saw it for the first time ever last week and i am slightly obsessed. that + my intermediate sewing class have me giddy and excited. seriously :)

so i guess i lied. there actually has been a few scattered showers of ideas. i just have yet to move forward with any of them. the boy and a friend actually inspired me to do a really awesome photo series after an interesting little conversation over clam chowder about following your dreams. it sounds cliche, but i am really excited to start working on it.

speaking of oregon and creative ideas, i met the coolest couple that has been creating and selling pottery for over 30 years. my friends interviewed them for their website and asked me to come along to take some pictures. i can't even tell you how fascinating it was for me. i'll share more details + photos later - maybe when my friend finishes the article he's writing. but now i want to take a pottery class. i seriously have too many hobbies.

i used to hate raw tomatoes. i'm starting to like them now. i don't know why. i think my sister's homemade salsa helped.

i feel like i have a bazillion e-mails to write. i don't really though. let's face it - i'm not that cool. i bet it's more like 10.

my little sister was here last weekend. i love her. 

i made banana cake and cookie dough brownies for my cousin's birthday bash on sunday. there are leftovers on my kitchen counter. someone please come eat them. i have a feeling that cake for breakfast isn't the best thing for reaching my 'lose 5 pounds in 3 weeks' goal.

my internet decided to 'shut down unexpectedly' during the middle of this post. i'm sure it is now missing something incredibly important that was previously here.

yesterday, i went grocery shopping with some friends, and they jokingly told me to put the watermelon we purchased up my dress so it would look like i was pregnant. of course i did it. i feel like i am abnormally baby hungry for a 21-year-old. just saying.

the new season of so you think you can dance starts tomorrow. dear people at fox, you are geniuses for realizing we shouldn't have to wait until next summer for the glory and wonder that is sytycd.

i have to go read for my class tomorrow.

and go running.

and shower.

and eat dinner.

and clean my room.

and do laundry

and edit photos.

and try my hardest to not eat cookies or cake.

[really though, i even wrote it on my to-do list for today].

dear blog,

it is good to be back.

xoxo.

jana

oh life.

[photo taken today]

i feel like it's been a while since i've dumped my brain. so here goes.

first, i feel like i need to say thank you. thank you for the sweet comments about my dandelion painting. i'm going to fix it up a little and give it away real soon, so get excited :). it was so fun to paint something different, with no definitive direction or real purpose other than the fact that i love to paint. and just thank you in general for reading my little blog. when i first started this thing, i really had no idea what i was doing it for, and i'm pretty sure i was the only one reading it. but blogging is strangely enjoyable, even more so knowing that people read it. not only do they read it, but some people actually like it. and that is reason enough for me to blog.

in fact, i'm on a little blogging kick right now. i'm 3 for 3 this week. that is much more desirable to me than my blogging lulls. i hope you feel the same way.

i had a pretty day today. hence, me posting another picture of myself. it's funny what a difference it makes to actually try to look your best for no reason other than you just plain feel like it. i felt 10 million times better today than i did yesterday, when i didn't shower and stayed in my swimsuit all day long. 

i think my red lipstick today may have even helped me almost beat my all-time bowling record, as well as almost beat a certain someone i was playing against. yeah, i went there mr. you-know-who you are. i almost beat you. in fact, i was beating you at some points of the game. i should have taken a picture.

speaking of this certain mr., he's pretty dang cute, and i really wish he didn't look at my blog so i could post a picture of him to show you how cute he really is. cute isn't even an accurate adjective... i'm going to go with pretty dang handsome or freaking good-looking. he doesn't like when i say freaking, but he does let me follow him around with my camera, and sits more still than me when i have to leave the shutter open for 10 seconds to get the picture i want. it's sweet. but i'm keeping the details of him to a minimum. one, because i like him a whole bunch and i don't want to jinx it and have to un-blog about him later. and two, he has yet to refer to me as his girlfriend. maybe after he does that, it will be ok to blog about him for real. just saying.

i have to take mr. aforementioned to the airport at 4:30 in the morning. that's in 3 hours. awesome. maybe i just won't sleep and i'll make an awesome breakfast. hmm. tempting.

i felt like i had a lot more thoughts when i first began writing.

oh, i did some goal-listing the other day. i made 3 lists of goals, in fact. daily goals, weekly goals, and monthly goals. i love lists. i love plans. and i love goals. i'll give you some examples:

daily goal: exercise. even if it's just stretching.

weekly goal: finish a painting.

monthly goal: read a church book, and non-church book.

i'm really excited about the reading one. i just started a book yesterday, and should have it finished by the end of the month. and i'm keeping a list of all the words that i either don't know, or wish i used more frequently. i need to work on speaking better - another goal.

today at the bowling alley, i ran into a boy, whom i go to church with, who told the boy whom i'm dating how i give really great comments in our church classes. it made me so happy. yet, at the same time, it made me a little sad. mostly because i realized i could be doing a much better job of showing that side of me all the time, outside of church. something else for me to work on. i'm all for self-improvement.

i'm in love with the next food network star. does anyone watch that? i really hope melissa wins. sure she's incredibly chipper and talks fast sometimes, but i still think she's great. in the last episode, she gave the most amazing little introduction. it gave me chills - the good kind. i'll have to watch it again so i can write down exactly what she said.

i missed the season finale of the bachelorette. in fact, i missed the last half of the season of the bachelorette. for how excited i was when the season started, it surprises me how quickly i stopped caring. but i think she picked ed, right? and i thought he was really cute, so good for you jill. also. dear abc, if you're reading this, i think jake would make the best bachelor for next season. trust me on this.

and i missed the last week of so you think you can dance. sad sad sad. i need to find someone that has it recorded. stat.

shoot, i just remembered i have no milk for the breakfast i wanted to make. certain boy, why must you drink all my milk?

i love taking pictures of food, and i haven't done it lately. i need more windows in my kitchen. dear future husband, please note that i would like a kitchen with a lot of windows. the natural light will be very conducive to my food photography. also, i would love white cabinets, granite countertops, and a chalkboard. i love kitchens. just saying.

i'm tired. i guess when you hit 21, all-nighters aren't as easy as they used to be.

ok, last thing. that is, if you are still reading. i would love to know what you enjoy seeing on this little blog of mine. what is it that keeps you coming back? what would you like to see more of? obviously, i'll still share what i find lovely and interesting and important to me... but as much as this blog is for me, it's mostly for you, let's just be honest. so i would love love love your thoughts.

hmm. goodnight/good morning. hope we all have a lovely wednesday :)

xoxo.

jana

late night ramblings.

this picture makes me wonder why i ever cut bangs. oops.

[i'm wearing a sesame street t-shirt, in case you were wondering. way cool, right?]

it's 12:40. i really should be in bed. i might have stayed up past 5am at least 3 times this week. oops again. i might be sitting on my couch at the moment in a sports bra and running shorts and in dire need of a shower. [don't worry mom, no one can see me]. i might have gone on a 7 mile bike ride today, then played tennis for an hour, then ran 4 miles a little later. yeah, i'm surprised my legs are still attached.

i get to go home in less than a month. little sister's high school graduation, my 21st birthday, shooting my first wedding... it's going to be a fabulous trip.

sometimes utah can make you feel extremely self-defeated. really? i thought i was way cool and i have crazy good kickball skills so why doesn't that cute boy in my apartment complex just ask me out already? as fun as the dating scene can be, i'm a little over it. i would rather not have 5 different boys text me in the same day. i just want 1. [at the moment, there isn't 1 in particular that i would like it to be, in case you were wondering. i'm just starting to wish there was].

but on a less self-pitying note, i seriously love being back in utah most days. i love my roommate, and bike rides, and tennis, and dollar movies, and the fact that i just bought a season pass to the water slide park that is literally two steps away from my apartment. summer tan, here i come.

speaking of which, it is so depressing to drive to class and see everyone outside laying out, swimming, and playing beach volleyball. dang you college students that don't have to work or go to school in the summer! tomorrow you can find me outside studying for my sewing test. in my swimsuit.

i'm taking a sewing class this semester and will be showing you some of the sweet stuff i've made in the very near future. oh yeah, get excited. i love it, but this class is time consuming, let me tell you... the class itself is 12 hours a week, not to mention all the time i spend in open lab to get my stuff done. it's a good thing i don't have a boyfriend, because i would probably see the sewing machine more than i would see him. how's that for optimism?

i need to pull out my list of resolutions for the year, i'm slacking. i mostly want to work on the whole making real meals one. i eat quesadillas every day. sadly, i'm not complaining, but all i watch on tv is the food network and i have a growing list of recipes i want to try. i need to get on it.

i hardly ever watch tv. really. if i'm ever in front of the tv, i'm painting or eating. and it's the food network or the disney channel. BUT, the bachelorette started last week and i wish i had jillian's closet. and i love that so you think you can dance started last week, even though i missed the premier. except i wish kristin was here to watch me reenact all the routines like i usually do.

i really need to add some new awesome music to my playlist, but before i do, is the music annoying? you can tell me the truth, it's ok. i've been debating on deleting it, or at least making it not start automatically as to not annoy any of the fabulous people that find their way over to my little blog.

ok, i'm taking a shower and going to bed. i have a big day of pattern-cutting-out, studying, and sun-soaking  ahead of me.

xoxo.

jana

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jana's life = crazy.

WARNING: this post may be slightly, or entirely, scattered.

first of all, let me just say that i have been having SO much fun with these paintings. i love that everyone is digging the colored backgrounds! my friend shauna (go check out her blog, she is seriously hilarious) totally did paintings like this first (she was actually a major source of my inspiration - shout out to shauna!)... anyway, she was telling me that most of her clients seem to shy away from using color, as hard as she tries to talk them into it, while i have yet to keep a painting black and white, even though i sometimes suggest it. interesting? i don't know... but i do think it's cool that you guys are so colorful.

speaking of all of my colorful painting buyers, thank you thank you thank you for being so patient with me while my life is crazy.

speaking of my like being crazy, i have an important announcement:

jana is moving back to utah thursday, april 16th!

which means....

#1. if you're thinking about ordering a painting from me, now would be a REALLY good time to get on it! once school and utah life is in full swing, chances are my life will be even crazier than it is now, and i might have to do something not so fun like raise my prices - you know how supply and demand works. SO, i've decided to be really cool and let you know that if you order a painting some time in April, the price will stay the same and you won't even have to worry about silly things like the laws of economics. cool?

#2. if you're in the bay area and want some sweet family pictures, or just pictures in general, PLEASE e-mail me! i've had a few people tell me already that they want some taken before i go and i want to try to accommodate as many photo sessions as i can! so seriously, e-mail me. and we will figure something out. [please don't freak out too bad if you just can't make it happen before the 16th. i'll be back here and there this summer. i promise.]

shameless self-publicity plug over.

while i have quite a range of emotions with the whole utah move, i would say the majority of my pie graph of emotions would be 'excitement' (i hope you're picturing my pie graph of emotions. or just picturing pie. i like pie). i'm so sad to be moving 800 miles from the fabulous family that i have loved living so close to for the past year, but, like i said, i am so so excited to be going back to school and doing the whole college scene again.

to celebrate setting the date for my big move, i quit my full-time job (which i kind of already mentioned), and my last day was friday - this was actually the first job that i've ever had to put in my two weeks for. tying up loose ends at work can be kind of crazy.

did i mention i've been sick for the past week or so with some kind of cold that will just not leave me alone?

so instead of spending the weekend painting up a storm, like i had planned... i drank a bottle of cough syrup [totally kidding. more like half of a bottle] and got a few lovely ladies ready for a junior prom [wish i had some pictures]. however, i did manage to take some pictures of one of my favorite families.

here are a few i loved.

they love kung fu remember?

i love that it was ryan's idea to take pictures of just the two of them, and i love that they don't even look old enough to have 3 crazy boys and that these could pass as engagement pictures, and i love that ryan would not stop making faces and had me laughing so hard.

i love that melissa has such fabulous ideas, so that even when i'm sick and uncreative we still get a few of these awesome shots.

want awesome pictures like this? see #2 above.

oh, it's 4:30 in the morning? weird, i didn't notice. no wonder i'm still sick!

xoxo.

jana

p.s. back to pie... seriously, no one even asked for my mom's pie recipe? maybe the half-eaten photo didn't do it justice. or maybe you just haven't tasted it so you have no idea what you're missing!

can anyone else not sleep?

or is it just me?

it's almost 1:00 in the morning, i worked a 10-hour office day, i've e-mailed everyone back [at least i think so - please tell me if i haven't], and my eyes aren't even tired - i have some horrible sleeping habits [see numbers 16 and 17 here].

so naturally, i began perusing my photo library and realized that there are quite a few things that i miss.

for instance.

i miss scrapbooking...

[i'll call you soon - promise!]

i miss high school. definitely not all of it, but i do miss the having an excuse to dress up and be ridiculous part. [photo circa october 2005. check out my tan legs. i miss being a lifeguard].

i miss these girls in general, and the summer, and my tan, and concerts on my birthday, and trips to candy rock... [photo circa june 2008]

i miss this guy. not the one on the left - i don't know him. i miss the cute boy on the right. may 8. enough said. [i may or may not have a countdown on my calendar at work].

i miss utah. and byu football games, and student wards, and smart cookie, and school in general - weird? [photo circa november 2007]

i miss babies. i love when they get bigger too, but there's nothing like that sweet smell of a newborn to get your biological clock ticking. but since i kind of need a husband to have some of my own... ahem. don't worry sister-in-laws, no pressure :) [photo circa january 2008]

i miss the beach, and i miss san francisco, and i miss ice cream sundaes from mr. ghirardelli, and i miss beautiful picture taking weather. [photo circa october 2008]

don't get me wrong - life is good and the future looks beautiful, but today i am in a reminiscing kind of mood :)

i'm sure i could even keep going, but now my eyes are tired.

xoxo.

jana

p.s. don't worry, if you haven't yet you can still enter my fun little giveaway here. 

i've been loving all your sweet comments and creative ideas - can't wait to pick some winners!

please excuse the mess

i’m in the process of revamping the blog – hence, the jumble of picture sizes and what not. it’s coming along slowly but surely. for example, my new banner took me forever + 3 years to do, so it better look good… let me know what you think.

please don’t even mention my mess of a car and room. i swear they will both be unrecognizably clean before we leave tomorrow, no matter how late i have to stay up. [actually, the plan is to stay up all night so i can sleep in the car tomorrow, at least for a little bit]

speaking of an 11+hour car drive… if you're still waiting on me for pictures, i promise i haven't forgotten about you. i’ll be finishing them up on my way through nevada and i promise they will be in the mail by monday - thank you for being so wonderful and patient!

as for my mess of thoughts…

it’s not supposed to snow for the entire duration of my mini-vacay. what the? what’s the point of it being so dang cold if i can’t even play in the snow? well, if the snow isn’t planning on finding me, then i’m going to find it. that’s just one of the things on my to-do list while i’m there. yes, i made a list. and yes, besides the snow thing, it is mostly food-related.

curse the person at my work that put two boxes of see's candy in the break room.

i took these pictures a few days ago. pretty much, whenever i’m looking for a new location, i drag these girls along with me and force them to pose. when they become models they’ll have sweet portfolios! i really like the second one, but i wish it was more obvious that they were lying in the middle of the road. [i really like the last two also].

don’t install sitemeter onto your blog. it gives you a map of all your blog visitors and it is so intriguing/addicting to see all the places people are coming from. really, canada? and it tells you how long some people stay too… really, someone checked out my blog for 50 minutes? they must think i’m way cool! but don’t worry, it doesn’t really tell me who you are, so you are more than welcome to keep lurking. you are also more than welcome to say hello too because i would love to know who you are.

i’m hoping the obsession with that site will fade soon, like my obsession with the mailman did. i’m still just as excited to receive some mail from this guy, i’m just no longer stalking the mailman around the neighborhood, calling the house to see if mail came, or checking the mailbox every time i come home… sometimes at 10:00 at night – it was seriously just habit, i knew there wouldn’t be anything. but he did e-mail me this picture a few days ago which made me pretty happy. he's the white (well, red) one on the left with a sweet neck tanline.

i know everyone thinks their family is the coolest, but mine really is. the other night we stayed up past 1 in the morning playing cards. one brother doesn’t really like to play nertz, so he made brenner [breakfast at dinner] for everyone. it was some serious brenner too: eggs, bacon, homemade hash browns, and toast. i even convinced todd & heidi to just stay the night, considering liz was already asleep in one of the bedrooms. i hope i still have sleepovers when i’m married with an 18-month-old. like i said, my family is the coolest. [i wish i took pictures]

my grandpa’s birthday was yesterday – i miss him.


my biggest goal right now is to achieve some sort of balance – my list of resolutions gets bigger every day. i feel like there is just so much i want to do but not enough hours in the day. so i end up skipping out on things that are still pretty important – namely, sleep and exercise, 2 things i desperately need. between family, work, play, art, spirituality, and everything else, there just isn’t enough time. i think i just need to be more time efficient… and to be ok with not doing everything. new goals.

does anyone else have the crazy habit of changing their blog posts a million times… even once they’re already posted? because i do, and it drives me nuts. i’m really hoping it’s not just me.

when all my friends were here [this was seriously 2 weeks ago, i just forgot about it] we made a fire pit in my cousin britney’s backyard and partied. well, technically my dad and his blowtorch made the fire pit, but whatever. we made s’mores and my uncle barbecued up some hot dogs and hamburgers and i ate way too much. the hesses can throw a serious party.





if you are still reading, you are a serious champ. this is definitely the longest post ever. but i’ll be out of blogland for a week, so i’m allowed.

be back thursday-ish!

xoxo.
jana

dear holidays,

i am so sad to see you go. really, i am. when i realized christmas music was no longer playing on the radio i died a little inside. a lot more took place than i could fit into my 12 days of christmas, so here it is... a holiday brain dump, if you will. [thanks, shauna, for the idea]

first of all, i realized that the 12 days of christmas are supposed to lead up to christmas, coming to an end on christmas eve. oops.

i spent lots of time with some of my favorite cousins [plus my aunt and uncle]








i've always wanted to ice-skate in an outdoor rink and i finally got to! we went to san francisco on christmas eve and didn't let a little, or a lot, of rain stop us from skating our little hearts out. now i can look forward to the christmas i spend ice-skating in rockerfeller center in new york.


by the way, christmas eve is a fabulous day to go check out the city - most everything closes early, so the streets are nice and empty. but it is kind of a pain when the restaurant you want to eat at tells you the wrong closing time on the phone. good thing in n' out burger never lets you down.


i've been on a steady diet of sugar for about 3 weeks now. really, i made 3 different batches of sugar cookies this holiday season, staying up past 2 in the morning each time. i'll have to learn to be more efficient in baking next year. and, the 50 boxes of see's candy we received at work didn't help with my sugar diet either.

sometimes i love my grown up job. for example, the week of christmas i worked exactly 6 hours, but got paid for a full week of work. [i used 2 of my paid vacation days, our office was closed 2 days for the holiday, and the one day of the week i showed up for work, the office closed early]. hooray for being on salary! this week, our office is only open 2.75 days. hopefully i don't have a hard time adjusting when i have to start working a 40-hour week again.

i am also in love with the temple at christmastime. i went twice this year.

i'm kind of in love with taking picture in mirrors. maybe it's because those are the only kind of pictures i can take myself and still be in them.



and i am in love with the new taylor swift cd. if it had her song "i'd lie" on it, it would be perfect.

i found the cutest pair of flat boots for $50 and bought them for myself as a christmas present. my dad said they remind him of the cat's boots on shrek. my cousin said they look like pocahontas boots. at least no one has said that they're ugly.

i did miss this family on christmas, though, and can't wait for them to come back. and i'm a little jealous that their christmas was white. the only white christmases i've had, i can't remember. but i'm sure i'll have one before i know it.

well, holidays, as much as i'll miss you, there is still a lot to look forward to.

like the new year, for example :)

until next december...

jana