i do this weird thing.

any time i see a photo of something i like on the internet, i’ll drag it over to my desktop – you know, for future reference.

which is why my desktop looks like this.

i have folders too. i sort things when the desktop mess gets really bad. there’s actually only 2 internet-inspiration folders, so you would think i could just sort it from the beginning and avoid the mess altogether, but whatever.

anyway, 2 folders: pretty things + weddings [lots of times they overlap].

there are lots of pretty things on the internet these days.
quilts.
photos.
hand-addressed envelopes.
you name it.

finding pretty things usually make my heart do a little leap for joy
[especially the wedding things. i love weddings].

but not today.

in fact, today, it made me sad. and a little disappointed in myself

disappointed to the point of needing to give myself a serious reprimand.

jana, why are you saving pictures of coconut cookies with lemon-cream filling instead of making them yourself?

why are you spending time perusing galleries of others’ beautiful photographs instead of going outside and taking some of your own?

and remember that goal you had of finishing a new painting each week? yeah, not working out too well.

i know that sometimes i am just a little too hard on myself. i need to take a deep breath and remember that i'm only 21. i'm still a student. but that's just how i am. i have high expectations - especially for myself.

i guess i need to find a happy balance - between admiring the work of others and creating something myself that deserves admiration as well.

maybe i’m in a creative rut. or an originality rut. or just some kind of a rut. and i feel like ruts are never a good thing.

maybe that's why i've made blogging my outlet of choice lately.

[i think i heard my mom call me an ocd blogger the other day. sad.]

so how do i snap out of it? keep finding pretty things until i get my mojo back? find a vat of creativity to dive into? that would be quite convenient, actually.

i don’t really know. but what i do know is that when i get back to utah, i need to get my act together.

so here’s to another few days left in my vacation.

a few more days to soak up inspiration and hopefully find whatever it is i feel like i’ve been missing.

and then, time to make things happen.