Wednesday, December 16, 2009

can i ask you a personal question?


i know there are a few married folks that read my blog. some of you i know, and others i don't. either way, i need to ask you something...

how did you know your mister was 'the one'? flash of lightning? tidal wave? pillar of light?

if you don't mind sharing, i would love to hear... you can consider it your small act of service for the day - helping out a 20-something-year-old girl with a lot on her mind.

24 left some love.:

mrm velsingh December 16, 2009 at 5:47 AM  

hai your choise

Mique (as in Mickey) December 16, 2009 at 7:29 AM  

The question of all questions....I've been married for over 11 years. I think for everyone it's different. For me, I just knew. Immediately. Cliche? Yes. But I didn't care. I did need a confirmation (spiritually) and it came as I was praying (eyes open while driving!) in the car in Provo with the music loudly playing the background. Super spiritual setup? No. But I was struggling because I REALLY wanted to marry him, but hadn't for sure gotten the answer that I was supposed to. I got a resounding yes. It took me awhile though. I had been praying about it. And nothing was happening. I'm not always so spiritual, but the person I wanted to be with forever? I knew I needed to KNOW. It also helped that he: made me laugh, was good with kids (took him babysitting my cousins- that is key), and was driven. And a bunch of other stuff.
Good luck with everything!

Mique (as in Mickey) December 16, 2009 at 7:30 AM  

P.s. Sorry for the long comment. Especially when I usually don't comment. oops.

Jocelyn December 16, 2009 at 7:42 AM  

You just know that "he" is the one you want to spend you life with forever. I don't believe that there is just one person for everyone...I think there could be many that might fit the criteria, but only one makes you feel alive and ultimately happy and one that you want to grow old with. Hope that helps:-)

Emily December 16, 2009 at 7:57 AM  

I was head over heels in love with him. I could totally be myself, and he still loved me (without makeup, with my hair a mess, with tears streaming down my face, it didn't matter). He made me happy, he made me laugh, we shared the same goals, we wanted the same future, we didn't want to be with anyone else. I loved his family and they loved me. Yes, he had (still has) imperfections, but I could look past those, and he could look past mine. We are total opposites, but we complement each other nicely... we balance each other out. He has always put his family first, and he loves and respects his mom. Did I get a huge flash of lightning or a huge spiritual confirmation? No I didn't... but I knew I could be with him forever and be happy, and I WANTED to be with him forever. There was no doubt in my mind. Plus, he is sooo stinkin' hott (but really - that's just a huge plus)!!

Celeste December 16, 2009 at 9:25 AM  

Besides the spiritual confirmation I recieved from the man upstairs he was the one who made life worth living. My heart would skip a beat whenever I saw him. He was also the first one that I wanted tell if something happened. I believe that there isn't just one person in the world for us but when you find THE ONE you can't picture anyone who could be better for you. I also believe that attraction is key so don't feel bad if one of the reasons why you love him is because he's hot. I don't know you all too well but I do know that you are very smart and I have no doubt that you will know when you have found the perfect guy for you. I don't know how else to describe it but when it's "the one" you'll know. I hope that helps :)

Ashlee December 16, 2009 at 9:45 AM  

you know he is the one when you think about the future and you see his face. He still constantly gives you butterflies. you yearn for his sweet kiss and you still cant get him out of your head even after two years of being married. And you would rather hang out with him, then anyone else in the world because he brings out the best in you. You just know. It's that great, over the moon, reach for the stars, homerun kind of feeling. You will know. And you wont believe your heart when it tells you. I know, I couldn't believe it either!

Kell & Anna December 16, 2009 at 10:25 AM  

Everyone is so different. I am sorta in the middle of the one theory and you could marry anyone. Sure I could have married some of the guys I dated, but i know that I would not have been as happy as I am married to Kell. He compliments me and makes me a better person. He calms my Beck feistiness and keeps me laughing. He had everything on my list of things I wanted in the man I married even the things that don't matter(ie. football player, plays the guitar).
And somehow I just knew after a little bit of time with him that I was going to be with him as long as he wanted me there which ended up being forever.

My advice...marry your best'll enjoy your life together (b/c eventually the big dates stop and a date is sitting at your kitchen table playing Scrabble while the kids are asleep).

Jessica December 16, 2009 at 10:34 AM  

You know what? For me, I just knew. It was how people say, that they had never felt that way before. We were doing dishes at my parents house one day and I got this feeling like we would have moments like this for ever, laughing and talking while doing silly things like dishes or whatever. I never got a crazy big apifiny, but I just knew that I wanted to be with him forever.

Good luck, that's such a tricky stage.

Chelsi December 16, 2009 at 11:32 AM  

david and i dated for 10 months before he ever told me he loved me. the moment he said those three words i knew that i didn't want to spend eternity with anyone else. to be honest, there have been times i thought "what did i get myself into?" the wonderful thing is, right after that thought enters my mind, i remember the covenants we made in the lords house almost 4 years ago. i don't think that there's any one perfect person for anyone. it's what you make of it. it's all the things you get to learn and the ways you get to grow TOGETHER. you should marry your best friend. he should be the one you want to spend all your time with. once you get married that's how it is. he's the one you tell about your day, eat every meal with, brush your teeth with, create lives with, share every special and not so special moment with. marriage isn't easy for sure. it's 2 people who in most cases aren't exactly alike sharing everything. there's bound to be some road bumps, but it's the most wonderful journey. i love that david is my eternal companion and that we get to progress in this life and the eternities together. when i prayed about him, i felt a warm peaceful feeling. i knew that was heavenly father confirming what i already knew was right. you'll know jana.

Beck Family December 16, 2009 at 11:42 AM  

I loved reading everyone's answer. What a good question to put out there to a group of women. I gave you already my personal thoughts, but I must say, if you pray about it you'll get an answer. And when you get the answer you'll know its your answer. It might come in a whirlwind of feelings, it might come a little bit at a time, and it might come in a stupor of thought - where you just don't feel like its right. Until the answer does come - it can take longer for some than others -you just keep giving that guy time and get to know him better and better. You'll either fall more in love or fall more out of love. Time is the key. When its the right time you'll know. Just be patient.

~teal December 16, 2009 at 12:13 PM  

Nothing so dramatic or as easy for me. I have a friend who is always looking for storybook romance, and lets the smallest of problems rule out a potential mate. What I tell her is "nobody's perfect, you just have to find the person who bugs you the least!"

Jenn Becker December 16, 2009 at 12:36 PM  

When I started dating my husband (I was 20 btw) it just felt like this was the way life was supposed to coming home. He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me. We've now been married almost 12 years.

Besides my feelings, my family instantly knew too(but they didn't tell me until MUCH later)...that helped a lot.

Kristina December 16, 2009 at 1:07 PM  

my husband and I were together 5 years before we got married...18&19 when we met. A lot changes in those early 20's years...I knew the moment I met him that he would be someone special in my life. We had ups and downs, break ups and fights, but in the end---just unconditional, non-judging love for one another. We have been happily married for 4 years and have a little girl. I guess I would say, it's the little moments, the everyday stuff that matters...there will be exciting times, but in general life is just normal...if he makes it fun for you with laugh and love and smiles, then you're in good shape:)

Kristin Ann December 16, 2009 at 1:24 PM  

I agree that for everyone it's different, but for me, right now, there are no doubts. Yes he's my best friend, and that is key, and yes I can completely be myself around him and he loves me for my imperfections. I know I don't have to be better than I am for him to keep loving me, yet the harder I work and the more I learn, and the more I accomplish, he loves me for that, and I love him for the same. We could spend every second of every day with each other, and never tire of it. Not everyone finds "true love" but if you wanted to, I think you could. I have no what if's, no other options I'm considering, he's the one. If I looked for someone else for 100 years I couldn't find someone as perfect for me as I have found.
I love you sister :)

Kristin Ann December 16, 2009 at 4:23 PM  

i forgot the last part.... and that's how i know he's the one :)

Sare December 16, 2009 at 5:01 PM  

I think a lot of people expect a bolt of lightning, but more often it is a simple feeling of peace.

I could write a full story about this. Our story is pretty funny. I got home from my mission, became friends with this group who was friends with a guy in my ward. Hung out all the time with this group, blah blah blah. Fun times. I remember a newlywed couple giving a talk in my homeward around this time, and the girl said she prayed that she and her future husband would be able to recognize each other. So I prayed for that. I was tired of the dating games that I dealt with before my mission. I could handle rejection now (I had served a mission, ya know), but I just didn't want to pursue something when the potential wasn't there.
So.....even though JD and I were just really good friends, I started noticing more and more about him that I liked. I just kept thinking "no way, I can't like him." (And, I was kind of looking at things that he lacked, which in the long run are not important, and I have come to realize that though neither of us is perfect, together we work together really well and make each other happy. That is what really matters: selflessness and temple worthiness).
So I prayed that if how I felt was wrong, then the feeling would go away. Obviously, it didn't go away, and around the same time, he was starting to feel the same way. It's a pretty miraculous story, if I do say so myself. Before we even started dating, we both "knew." For a more detailed version, you can read the whole story here: (if you have time between finals and everything)

Sare December 16, 2009 at 5:05 PM  

Sorry, I wrote a ton...but since you're our photographer, you're practically family, right?

Hinton's Headlines December 16, 2009 at 7:15 PM  

hmmm....17 years later....I knew once we started dating more seriously. We had been friends for several months but once we really started to date I just knew. We did the important part - prayer and fasting - but it was just perfect. This despite the fact he was everything I said I would never marry - but he is perfect. He is also the only guy I every asked out on date ( not counting girls choice dances in high school ).

Good luck!!

Hannah December 16, 2009 at 7:28 PM  

Aw, I love it Jana! This stage is scary, but you'll never forget these feelings, and one day you might kind of even miss trying to figure it all out! I am pretty sure Adam is my soul mate, and thats a big deal because I never believed in those before. I knew we could work well together because 1. He's my best friend who 2. Tries every single day to do what he knows will make me happy and 3. Will continue to do that his whole life. He is a good person, and I know he'll be the most amazing father. There is no big feeling of "He's the one!"-- its more the feeling of safety and a lack of concern for vulnerability. If he has the aforementioned qualities, I think you'll be in good shape ;-)

Good luck, girlie! And sorry this is way too long!

Hannah December 16, 2009 at 7:29 PM  

Oh, PS-- and NICE is a very underestimated quality!! Nice goes a long way in a marriage!

pbjocrosby December 17, 2009 at 7:09 AM  

I have been married for seven years. I knew he was right for me because he made me feel good about myself when I was around him. He made me feel like it was okay to just be me, not to be anyone else. He didn't try to change me. And, on top of that, he made me want to be better. He was also good to his Momma so I knew he would be good to me. If I could give advice to my twenty year old self, I would say enjoy the present, don't worry so much about the future, and don't try to force anything. When you do that- things just have a way of falling into place. :)

Salcido December 29, 2009 at 6:38 PM  

I have to second Melissa's comment. Make sure that you pray. Pray and pray and pray until you're absolutely sure you have your answer. It's such a huge decision and needs to be made with the Lord's help. Good luck!

Monika January 10, 2010 at 1:02 PM  

It's not really about not being able to live without him (which would be a tragic event in my relationship, because I couldn't)'s really all about whether you can live with him. All day, all week, all year, all decade, forever. You must question yourself as to whether you can deal with the whole sexy, thoughtful, masculine, quirky, package for the rest of your life. I could and I hope you find your answer.