so tired. should be sleeping.

but instead i will dump the scattered contents of my brain onto this little blog of mine.

first. help. do you ever have moments where you know you're thinking crazy? i actually loathe the c word, whether it is warranted or not, so we'll just call them slightly irrational feelings for the sake of being nice. anyway, do you ever know that these feelings are slightly irrational, but you still almost want those feelings validated? you know, just a simple "it totally makes sense that you would feel that way." or does validation just facilitate having those c word feelings? oh goodness.

moving on, see the above photo? definitely sewed that man's tailored shirt. from scratch. feel free to congratulate me. remember this post? i decided to scratch everyone's advice and sew the shirt for myself. because i'm selfish, kind of. i wore it with a big brown belt around my waist and my favorite boots - i was quite the fashionista that day, an exciting moment for me. too bad i've only worn it once since.

speaking of the above photo... 1. i am wearing shorts. 2. i like to take pictures when i have cute days [only because it doesn't happen very often]. sometimes i'll even send them to a certain boy while he's at work. partly because it makes him happy, and partly because i feel like sending him cute pictures of me will make him more excited to see me later. win win, right?

my mom and my little sister are driving up from california. they should be here in an hour or so. i'm slightly debating driving down to my grandma's at 1 in the morning so i can see them as soon as they get here - i am just so excited. i love my family. my little sister, jen, has down syndrome, and she cracks me up sometimes. for example, i called my mom's phone tonight to see where they were, but my mom was sleeping so jen answered the phone. [i should clarify that my aunt and uncle are driving the car, my mom was not asleep at the wheel nor was my down syndrome sister driving]. anyway, i told jen to ask what city there were in, so i would know how much longer they would be. after we got off the phone, she felt the need to send me text messages telling me the cities they were passing through. she is actually quite the texter, and at first i thought it was my mom. until i got this text "The city  wyldetrness   we be there  in 3   hours". does anyone know what city that is? apparently it's 3 hours from provo :)

my little bed that i sleep in has been making my back hurt. which is partly why i'm blogging right now and not sleeping. in fact, i'll probably sleep on our couch. it is SO much better than my bed. sad.

i did a little desktop detox today. meaning, i organized the assortment of scattered photos that i drag from the internet into a folder called 'pretty things'. for some reason, boys find this really funny. but really, that's exactly what they are. things i think are pretty. not funny. practical.

i have been itching to take some couple photos lately. if you know any attractive couples, send them my way. you'd think i'd have a million friends getting engaged up in utah, but apparently they're all anti-marriage. kidding.

my sister-in-law had her baby last sunday and i am dying to meet him. and dying to have babies. in fact, on facebook the other day, i posted something about being my new nephew's favorite aunt and my young women president from high school commented on it saying "someone please find a cute boy for jana to marry so she can make cute babies of her own." i about died laughing.

speaking of babies, i have been having the worst feelings lately that i'm not going to be able to get pregnant. i've never really been concerned about it until this week. for some odd reason. am i completely ridiculous for even worrying about this right now, or is it normal? [say normal]. 

i want a cupcake. 

more specifically, i want one of these cupcakes. i ate about 10 when my sister made them.

also, i quit diet coke. ok, well i haven't had one in a week which is the best i've done in a while. but i have mixed feelings about it. it makes me happy for the following reasons: it will make my mom happy, and according to her i will get blessings, and i started getting headaches all the time lately and i'm thinking it has to do with the caffeine, so i'll be happy if those stop. i'm sad about it for the following reasons: i miss it. it's like i had to give up a really good friend that would bring a little light into my life whenever i was having a bad day. plus, every time my roommate, alexandra, brings home her crest cup my heart breaks a little. it's like i know that she still gets to hang out with that awesome friend that i miss when i can't. stay strong, jana. stay. strong.

i want to write a book. i have a few ideas. if i get famous and have a book signing, i certainly hope you'll come :)

[oops. this post was way long. does anyone even read to the end when i write so much? i know my sister doesn't. she told me so.]