dear mom,

i thought about e-mailing you, but i know you read my blog too, so this works just as well.

remember how you sent me the recipe for your sweet and sour chicken yesterday? well, i made it [don't worry, it was delicious. but we'll talk about that later].

anyway, it took me over 2 hours. 2 hours. we didn't eat dinner until 9 last night. and i realized something. every time i make a recipe of yours for the first time - something you made all the time while i was at home - and i realize it's kind of hard, and takes forever, and the smoke from burning oil burns my eyes a little, it makes me grow an added respect for you. really. how you made us dinners like that with 7 kids is beyond me.

now that we have that out of the way, i do have an excuse for why it took so long. i also made fried rice, which i had never made before either. it wasn't too hard, but definitely added time. oh, and it was way good too. i used so much garlic and ginger i almost died - in a good way. in fact, my fingers still smell a little bit like garlic and ginger today.

one last thing. don't be mad. i made a few changes to your recipe, and i think i liked it better. i used red bell peppers instead of green. and you know how the sauce calls for ketchup? well i forgot to put it in. i didn't realize until we were already eating. but i didn't mind the difference. and i added a dash or two of red pepper flakes, to make it just a little spicy. and i added a drop of red food coloring, to make the sauce a little more pink. you know, like it looks in real chinese food restaurants. still, i would have had no idea what i was doing without your recipe as a jumping off point.

i didn't get to take any pictures - that's the problem i run into when i cook at night. there's just no natural light. that, and i'm starving and want to eat.

i think your teriyaki chicken is next on my 'to cook' list. want to send me the recipe?

love you.

xoxo.

jana

ps. mom do you mind if i share the recipe on here? i bet people would want it, right people that read my blog? i honestly think when i made it last night that it was better than any sweet and sour i've had at a restaurant. i just need to make it again so i can get some pictures before i post it.

dear children of mine [that i don't have yet],

[photo via jcrew]

first of all, i certainly hope you'll like cute clothes. chances are you'll be the most stylish kids on the street, and it would make my life a lot easier if you don't tear off your headbands or ties at the first opportunity you find. don't worry, i know how to sew - so your halloween costumes will always be fantastic. and i promise i won't mind when you start telling me your costume ideas in june - i will probably already be thinking about it.

when i was your age, the day after my birthday i would already be planning my party for the next year. so grandma made me follow a "you can't talk about your birthday until one month before" rule. i'll give you 2 months. i like parties.

i'll let you help in the kitchen, even if it means the job will take twice as long. you can sit on the counter, dump the ingredients into the bowl, and help me mix. you can even lick the beaters (someone needs to do it).

there will be warm chocolate chip cookies and milk waiting for you when you get home from school. except when your dad tells me i'm feeding you too much sugar, then we'll have apples and celery with peanut butter. i'll be so excited to hear about the things you are learning, and i will remember to tell you the funny things your little brother or sister did while you were away. you are going to be my little friends. i'll help you with your homework and read your school books so i can help you understand things that you are having trouble with. maybe we'll even have home school so i can be the one to teach you and making sure you are learning up to your full capability. we'll see :).

i can't wait to read you books - i hope you love books as much as i do. and on special nights, i will let you all snuggle in mom and dad's bed for storytime before it's time to sleep. sometimes, i'll even ask for your help in making our own stories about who knows what. see, i'll need your help.

every morning, we'll read the scriptures and pray as a family. at night, dad and i will tuck each of you in and help you pray. i can't wait to hear your sweet little prayers. before i go to bed, i'll already miss your voices and laughter and i'll have to quietly sneak into your rooms and check on you while you sleep, while i wonder what you're dreaming.

please don't be stinkers so your dad and i will like taking you on family trips. we'll have maps on the walls of our home with little pins denoting places that we've visited and places we want to go.

i'll let you learn whatever instruments you want - even if it's not my favorite. like the trombone. and i'll smile when i hear you trying your darndest, even if it sounds like an elephant is dying. i'll learn how to play the piano better before you get here so we can have one in our home. and i'll play church songs while you sing. just thinking about it makes me happy.

i don't like singing too much in front of people, but i will sing with you. and we will dance and play while we clean up the dishes or do chores to make it just a little more fun.

don't be too fed up with me when i ask you to hold still for picture 100. i promise you'll appreciate it later. trust me, you will love pictures. i'll get you cameras of your own so you can take pictures of things that are important to you. and when you get a little bigger, i'll take you for dates to the park or the beach and teach you how to use mom's fancy camera.

i can't wait to teach you things. i can't wait to teach you big words, and about history and the places we go to visit. but more importantly, i can't wait to teach you about the savior and to watch your testimony grow as you do.

some days may not be as good as others. mom may have a hard time. like if you decide to dump the bag of flour on the ground, or absolutely refuse to take a bath. but i promise that we will figure it all out and i will love you no matter what. i think about how much i love you already, without even meeting you, and can't imagine what it will be like to have you here. sometimes i will probably feel like my heart might just burst with all the love i have for you. which i'll try to remember when we're shopping at the grocery store and you keep wandering off, just like i did.

try not to get too sassy when we play card games as a family, i know where you get it from.

and don't be mad when i make you add sleeves to your prom dress.

i can't wait for you to be here so i can meet you and kiss your little cheeks. i take that back, they will be big cheeks. and i'm ok with that

i love you to the moon and back.


xoxo.
mom

dear husband [that i don't have yet],

i was thinking about you today.

i spent a few hours painting today - sitting on the floor, then on the couch - and my back was not very happy with that set-up. which made me think: husband, i certainly hope our home will have an art studio for me. 

so i kept thinking. of all the other wonderful things our home will have. white cabinets and lots of windows in the kitchen. a breakfast nook. a red front door. or maybe a black one. i'll let you choose. a neverland playroom with a giant treasure map painted on the wall... 

then i started to feel bad for you. and not just because of the handy-man role you'll have in our marriage. you see husband [that i don't have yet], i hate to admit this, but sometimes i can be needy. sometimes i get sad for no reason and i will need you to help me be happy. some days my hair will absolutely not do what i want it to, and i will need you to tell me i look pretty anyway. sometimes i may not feel like getting out of bed in the morning, and you might need to give me a little push - possibly a literal one. 

like i said. i am needy. you can't say i didn't warn you.

i will need you to say 'i love you' every day.

and i will need you to dance with me in the kitchen when i don't feel like starting on the dishes yet.

i will need you to tickle me when i'm mad at you for beating me in a game. [you beating me probably won't happen very often though, unless it's a stupid game that i probably didn't want to play in the first place, just saying].

and i might need you to carry me to bed when i fall asleep on the couch during a movie.

but before you go running off, i promise that being married to me will have it's fair share of benefits. 

i promise i'll kiss you a lot. [and i mean a lot]. and you'll probably like it. who am i kidding? i know you'll like it. we'll probably do lots of other things too, but i can't talk about that here because my mom will get mad at me. you know, like play board games and stuff.

speaking of board games, i'm a pretty awesome person to have on your team. 9 times out of 10, we'll win. pictionary, disney scene it, even other things like bowling or miniature golf, you name it... all of the other couples at game night will be pretty jealous of our awesomeness.

i make a pretty mean lasagna - even though i stole the recipe from my mom. i bet even if you don't like lasagna that much you will like mine. i actually can make lots of good dinners. and if you tell me you don't like casseroles with cooked broccoli in them, i promise i will use something different. and if there is a good football game on tv, i won't even mind if you want to watch it instead of helping [just don't get carried away]. i will make you whatever dessert you want for your birthday, and probably for lots of your unbirthdays as well.

i will say lots of stupid things and won't get mad when you laugh.

i will give you lots of pretty babies.

and i will always make you happy. i promise. even if it means rubbing your back when it feels like the longest 10 minutes of my life.

i like to think that it's a pretty good deal. in fact, i'm making lasagna tomorrow if you would like to come for dinner.

xoxo.

jana

dear fedex,

i know i shouldn't use the word hate, but i hate you for putting a hole through this painting.

you don't deserve x's and o's,

jana

ps. my sister-in-law had me do this painting for her sister who is getting married this summer. she wanted with browns instead of the traditional black & white with a color background. pretty sweet.

little letters.

dear blog,

remember when i used to write letters to lots all different kinds of people and things? yes, sometimes things... well, i miss that.

dear sunday,

i'm sorry it's 2am and i'm still not in bed. also, i wish you didn't come so early because i needed to go to the store to get ice cream for the cake i made for tomorrow. oh well, we'll have cake and milk.

dear body,

we really need to get your sleeping schedule back on track before school starts. really, we do.

dear scary movies,

we need to break up. actually, we were never together. but pretty much, i just don't like you. and i can't watch you. why? because i involuntarily saw a 3 minute preview for one of your kind on friday and it gave me a nightmare. a bad one! and i prefer to only dream about happy things. so i'm severing ties forever.

dear provo city library,

you did not have any of the books i wanted check out. so i went and bought one instead.

dear banana republic,

i decided that you're my favorite. i'm still only going to buy your sale items though.

dear martha stewart,

i have a fabulous plan. how about you hire me as food stylist, or something awesome, it doesn't really matter what... then, you'll realize that i am a creative genius, hypothetically adopt me as your daughter, and let me take over your empire when you're ready to give it up. that's just a rough sketch, but fabulous plan, right?

dear roommate brittany,

so glad that you're back. thanks for feng shui-ing the living room. it looks wonderful.

dear utah,

your dry air is cracking my heels. stop that. it makes me feel like an old lady. and what's with the random rain/wind storms in august? 

ps. can't wait for fall. fall is my favorite.

dear beautiful german chocolate cake sitting on my counter,

i so want a piece of you for breakfast. 

dear next week,

you are going to be crazy. i can feel it.

xoxo.

jana

[image via little brown pen. i think.]