oh life.

[photo taken today]

i feel like it's been a while since i've dumped my brain. so here goes.

first, i feel like i need to say thank you. thank you for the sweet comments about my dandelion painting. i'm going to fix it up a little and give it away real soon, so get excited :). it was so fun to paint something different, with no definitive direction or real purpose other than the fact that i love to paint. and just thank you in general for reading my little blog. when i first started this thing, i really had no idea what i was doing it for, and i'm pretty sure i was the only one reading it. but blogging is strangely enjoyable, even more so knowing that people read it. not only do they read it, but some people actually like it. and that is reason enough for me to blog.

in fact, i'm on a little blogging kick right now. i'm 3 for 3 this week. that is much more desirable to me than my blogging lulls. i hope you feel the same way.

i had a pretty day today. hence, me posting another picture of myself. it's funny what a difference it makes to actually try to look your best for no reason other than you just plain feel like it. i felt 10 million times better today than i did yesterday, when i didn't shower and stayed in my swimsuit all day long. 

i think my red lipstick today may have even helped me almost beat my all-time bowling record, as well as almost beat a certain someone i was playing against. yeah, i went there mr. you-know-who you are. i almost beat you. in fact, i was beating you at some points of the game. i should have taken a picture.

speaking of this certain mr., he's pretty dang cute, and i really wish he didn't look at my blog so i could post a picture of him to show you how cute he really is. cute isn't even an accurate adjective... i'm going to go with pretty dang handsome or freaking good-looking. he doesn't like when i say freaking, but he does let me follow him around with my camera, and sits more still than me when i have to leave the shutter open for 10 seconds to get the picture i want. it's sweet. but i'm keeping the details of him to a minimum. one, because i like him a whole bunch and i don't want to jinx it and have to un-blog about him later. and two, he has yet to refer to me as his girlfriend. maybe after he does that, it will be ok to blog about him for real. just saying.

i have to take mr. aforementioned to the airport at 4:30 in the morning. that's in 3 hours. awesome. maybe i just won't sleep and i'll make an awesome breakfast. hmm. tempting.

i felt like i had a lot more thoughts when i first began writing.

oh, i did some goal-listing the other day. i made 3 lists of goals, in fact. daily goals, weekly goals, and monthly goals. i love lists. i love plans. and i love goals. i'll give you some examples:

daily goal: exercise. even if it's just stretching.

weekly goal: finish a painting.

monthly goal: read a church book, and non-church book.

i'm really excited about the reading one. i just started a book yesterday, and should have it finished by the end of the month. and i'm keeping a list of all the words that i either don't know, or wish i used more frequently. i need to work on speaking better - another goal.

today at the bowling alley, i ran into a boy, whom i go to church with, who told the boy whom i'm dating how i give really great comments in our church classes. it made me so happy. yet, at the same time, it made me a little sad. mostly because i realized i could be doing a much better job of showing that side of me all the time, outside of church. something else for me to work on. i'm all for self-improvement.

i'm in love with the next food network star. does anyone watch that? i really hope melissa wins. sure she's incredibly chipper and talks fast sometimes, but i still think she's great. in the last episode, she gave the most amazing little introduction. it gave me chills - the good kind. i'll have to watch it again so i can write down exactly what she said.

i missed the season finale of the bachelorette. in fact, i missed the last half of the season of the bachelorette. for how excited i was when the season started, it surprises me how quickly i stopped caring. but i think she picked ed, right? and i thought he was really cute, so good for you jill. also. dear abc, if you're reading this, i think jake would make the best bachelor for next season. trust me on this.

and i missed the last week of so you think you can dance. sad sad sad. i need to find someone that has it recorded. stat.

shoot, i just remembered i have no milk for the breakfast i wanted to make. certain boy, why must you drink all my milk?

i love taking pictures of food, and i haven't done it lately. i need more windows in my kitchen. dear future husband, please note that i would like a kitchen with a lot of windows. the natural light will be very conducive to my food photography. also, i would love white cabinets, granite countertops, and a chalkboard. i love kitchens. just saying.

i'm tired. i guess when you hit 21, all-nighters aren't as easy as they used to be.

ok, last thing. that is, if you are still reading. i would love to know what you enjoy seeing on this little blog of mine. what is it that keeps you coming back? what would you like to see more of? obviously, i'll still share what i find lovely and interesting and important to me... but as much as this blog is for me, it's mostly for you, let's just be honest. so i would love love love your thoughts.

hmm. goodnight/good morning. hope we all have a lovely wednesday :)

xoxo.

jana

i'm feeling a little self-centered.

and that's ok.

i feel like it's ok to take pictures to send to the boy you like when you're in california - that way he won't forget what you look like.

and it's ok to rearrange the furniture in your living room for a self-portrait when you're having a really good hair day.

it's ok to take pictures of yourself in some kind of reflective surface for the sake of documenting. even if you're just documenting feeling attractive.

really. it's ok to feel good about yourself.

it's ok to have bad days. and it's ok to be really happy on your pretty days.

it's ok to feel beautiful in your skin.

and it's ok to think about losing 10 pounds anyway.

i think regina said it best:

i've got a perfect body

but sometimes i forget.

i've got a perfect body

cause my eyelashes catch my sweat.

- regina spektor

you're right regina - i do have a perfect body.

i may not be a supermodel, but my eyelashes sure do catch my sweat.

i'm so happy i can't sleep.

really.

i tried to fall asleep for at least an hour, but my mind has been kind of a mess of thoughts lately. sometimes i don't even bother writing them down anywhere, because i have a feeling that later i won't want to remember all of these thoughts. but i will say that somewhere during that hour of restlessness i daydreamed about happy things and then cried because i was so happy. seriously. i cried.

to be honest, i've been able to go a long time without crying about things that are directly related to me. i'll cry during a movie, or when i read something sweet, but i can't even tell you the last time i cried for myself. at least before this week when i apparently decided to be a head case. oh well, tonight [uh, technically this morning] they were happy tears. and i will take those over upset or sad tears any day.

since i realized i was daydreaming and smiling too big to get any real sleep [i'll talk about why later, maybe], i decided i might as well be productive. so i got out of bed and spent the last few hours browsing some of my grandma's photos.

there actually weren't as many incriminating photos of me as i thought there would be. but of the few that i found, this is definitely my favorite.

yes. in case you were wondering, i have always been a major babe. so much in fact, that i can't even decide which part of my outfit is most attractive. i'm debating between the oversized swishy jacket and the pink shoelaces - i think they really tie the whole outfit together. [no pun intended. that was just an awesome coincidence i noticed later.]

thank you grandma beck, for making sure i never forget what a cool 5-year-old i was. [really, i'm pretty sure i was 5. i think kids were bigger back then].

ok. now i can sleep. 

dear photobooth,

i love you.

just a few little gems i came across today.

no offense pc-users, but apple is genius.

xoxo.

jana

hello utah.

so nice to see you again.

not so nice that my room looks like this.

[i actually think it's worse as of today]

it's so nice to be back.

xoxo.

jana

jana's life = crazy.

WARNING: this post may be slightly, or entirely, scattered.

first of all, let me just say that i have been having SO much fun with these paintings. i love that everyone is digging the colored backgrounds! my friend shauna (go check out her blog, she is seriously hilarious) totally did paintings like this first (she was actually a major source of my inspiration - shout out to shauna!)... anyway, she was telling me that most of her clients seem to shy away from using color, as hard as she tries to talk them into it, while i have yet to keep a painting black and white, even though i sometimes suggest it. interesting? i don't know... but i do think it's cool that you guys are so colorful.

speaking of all of my colorful painting buyers, thank you thank you thank you for being so patient with me while my life is crazy.

speaking of my like being crazy, i have an important announcement:

jana is moving back to utah thursday, april 16th!

which means....

#1. if you're thinking about ordering a painting from me, now would be a REALLY good time to get on it! once school and utah life is in full swing, chances are my life will be even crazier than it is now, and i might have to do something not so fun like raise my prices - you know how supply and demand works. SO, i've decided to be really cool and let you know that if you order a painting some time in April, the price will stay the same and you won't even have to worry about silly things like the laws of economics. cool?

#2. if you're in the bay area and want some sweet family pictures, or just pictures in general, PLEASE e-mail me! i've had a few people tell me already that they want some taken before i go and i want to try to accommodate as many photo sessions as i can! so seriously, e-mail me. and we will figure something out. [please don't freak out too bad if you just can't make it happen before the 16th. i'll be back here and there this summer. i promise.]

shameless self-publicity plug over.

while i have quite a range of emotions with the whole utah move, i would say the majority of my pie graph of emotions would be 'excitement' (i hope you're picturing my pie graph of emotions. or just picturing pie. i like pie). i'm so sad to be moving 800 miles from the fabulous family that i have loved living so close to for the past year, but, like i said, i am so so excited to be going back to school and doing the whole college scene again.

to celebrate setting the date for my big move, i quit my full-time job (which i kind of already mentioned), and my last day was friday - this was actually the first job that i've ever had to put in my two weeks for. tying up loose ends at work can be kind of crazy.

did i mention i've been sick for the past week or so with some kind of cold that will just not leave me alone?

so instead of spending the weekend painting up a storm, like i had planned... i drank a bottle of cough syrup [totally kidding. more like half of a bottle] and got a few lovely ladies ready for a junior prom [wish i had some pictures]. however, i did manage to take some pictures of one of my favorite families.

here are a few i loved.

they love kung fu remember?

i love that it was ryan's idea to take pictures of just the two of them, and i love that they don't even look old enough to have 3 crazy boys and that these could pass as engagement pictures, and i love that ryan would not stop making faces and had me laughing so hard.

i love that melissa has such fabulous ideas, so that even when i'm sick and uncreative we still get a few of these awesome shots.

want awesome pictures like this? see #2 above.

oh, it's 4:30 in the morning? weird, i didn't notice. no wonder i'm still sick!

xoxo.

jana

p.s. back to pie... seriously, no one even asked for my mom's pie recipe? maybe the half-eaten photo didn't do it justice. or maybe you just haven't tasted it so you have no idea what you're missing!

they threw me a going away party at work...

and i brought the pie. actually, i brought two pies, and this is what i came home with. hooray for quitting my full-time job to go back to school next month!

i had every intention of having a fabulous apple pie photo shoot, but it was a little out of the question when i woke up at 5:30 in the morning to get them all baked up before i left for work. shout out to my brother for pulling them out of the oven for me - thanks doug! i even wanted to post a step-by-step kind of deal with my mom's fabulous recipe, but that didn't work out either. maybe if you ask me real nice i'll do it anyway :)

mmm. i wish i would have hidden a piece to have for breakfast...

xoxo.

jana

someone once asked me what kind of toys i want when i grow up.

i think he meant things like boats or 4-wheelers.


but i would rather have these kinds of toys...

a letterpress machine to make things like this

[via a cup of jo... it's her kissing wish-list - cute, huh?]

a gocco machine - a little more of a realistic [not to mention smaller] option.

a polaroid camera. i've wanted one forever and it makes me sad they stopped making them. i'm sure i could still find one - maybe i'll get lucky.


or a holga camera to take pictures like this

[EDITED: i thought of this one later and added it]

a vintage typewriter. a teal one. more teal than this.


a photobooth. not the cheesy digital kind they have in bowling alleys [don't get me wrong, i'm a sucker for any photobooth], but i want the old-fashioned black and white kind they have at the county fair. seriously, having one in my house would be the sweetest thing ever.

a beach cruiser, but not this color. maybe white. or teal - i'm all about teal lately

[i keep thinking of more random things and adding them]

a helium machine. not to make my voice funny, i hear that kills brain cells, but so i could have floating balloons whenever i felt so inclined.

[don't know where i found this picture. my bad]


hmm. that's all i can think of for now.

xoxo.
jana



i know my blog is totally lacking in the awesomeness department - i'm working on fixing that right away. don't leave just yet :)

dear first day of spring,

today...


i wished for a remote to the alarm clock so i wouldn't have to get out of bed to turn it off.

i used my brother's deodorant, so i smell like a boy. the nice kind of boy smell, but a boy nonetheless.

all things considered, i still feel pretty cute.

i ate wheat thins for breakfast even though i could have had french toast.

i'm listening to my i-pod at work. not professional, but i don't care - i'm pretty sure i'm good at keeping it concealed.

i made lunch plans with my awesome cousin. she's treating. she's the best.

and it's not even 10am yet.

so nice to see you spring. you are going to be lovely. i can tell.



xoxo.
jana

dear blackberry,

i honestly don't know how i've lived 20-ish years without you.

i used to be horrible with phones. horrible. i hardly ever had it on, or on me, and hated listening to voicemails. then suddenly you came into my life and i am a changed woman. seriously, call me, and i'll pick up. it's pretty amazing - ask my family.

you aren't pink like this little lovely, but shout out to uncle daryl who hooked me up with a sweet gray one for freeeeee.

you're totally worth the extra 10 bucks a month.

xoxo.

jana

dear dating world,

i know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me – try 10 months to be exact – but this weekend i am quite the hot commodity.

seriously, check out this line-up…


date #1: my car

[this is actually someone else's messy car. i wouldn't incriminate myself by putting up a picture of mine]
i have been needing to give him some quality time for a while now. he has been on my case lately – saying how i only use him for rides, but never care about his needs, like being filled up with gasoline goodness. apparently he’s been running on empty all week and he says i don’t even care! then, he tells me that i obviously don’t love him, considering the mess i’m always leaving him in. i think he’s been talking to my bedroom about starting a support group. needy needy.

date #2: scrapbooking
[insert awesome scrapbook page here]
this is pretty much the exact the exact opposite of my car situation. it feels like no matter how much time i set aside for us, scrapbooking is always making these excuses so we can’t get together: your printer isn’t here yet, wait it didn’t come with ink cartridges, do you really want to pull out all of your supplies just to put them away again the next day? yes, scrapbooking, as a matter of fact – i do! so quit avoiding my calls because we are hanging out sunday whether you like it or not.

date #3: the camera

so excited for this one. it has been so so long since we’ve been able to hang out and take some fun people pictures together. but lucky for us, nate the great turned 3 yesterday and i told my sister-in-law that i am designating myself the official photographer for his birthday bash on saturday so she can relax and enjoy the party – though i’m not sure how much “relaxing” can really be had when the party guests are mainly 3-year-olds.



who knows? maybe if i’m lucky i’ll be able to score a 4th date watching a movie at home with ben & jerry.

though i hate it when they fight over me - it’s quite the complicated love triangle.



so if anyone else calls for some jana lovin’, please tell them i’m busy this weekend. next week doesn’t look so good either – painting and i have a lot planned together.


what can i say? people want me :)





xoxo.
jana


p.s. don’t worry giveaway hopefuls, i haven’t forgotten about you. i wouldn’t want anyone to miss out, so there are still a few more days to enter here. i’ll be back monday to choose the lucky winners!

dear birthday fairy,

remember that time i told you i would be ok with having no pets? well, i lied.

i want one of these.

this one belongs to my friend rachael, but i would love you forever if you got me my own.

xoxo.

jana

p.s. i'm slightly kidding - $850 is a kind of pricey birthday present. but just in case - i would want a girl puppy. you know when my birthday is :)

dear jason the bachelor,

seriously, i think you are quite possibly a huge idiot.

you picked mandy moore the cheerleader and boring molly over jillian? i seriously don't even want to watch the finale. i'm going to, but i don't want to.

and i hope jillian finds someone nicer, smarter, taller, hotter, and richer than you because she was by far the best catch on the show.

that's all - no x's and o's for you.

jana.

25 things.

1. if someone “tags” me to do something, i’ll always do it. i’m not sure why – partially because i'm usually bored and partially because i’ll probably feel guilty if i don’t. this picture was the fourth in my fourth album [tagged by kerri]. in case you're wondering what i'm wearing - it's a sweatshirt that's clearly too big for me tucked into red sweatpants. i'm sure my dad picked it out. but wasn’t i a cute little thing anyway?

2. the first time i kissed a boy, i kissed him on the belly button. i was 4 and kristin told me to.

3. if i could eat 3 regular meals in a day or the same amount of calories in cookies, most days i would go for the cookies.

4. i always thought i hated drawing people, until a couple weeks ago.

5. i like to practice my handwriting – i have since 6th grade [at least that’s as far back as I remember doing it]. really, in school I almost always write things out, even if we have the option to type them. i think that’s why I like making lists and writing letters so much too.

6. the security question for one of my passwords at work is “what is your spouse’s middle name?” i don’t have a spouse, but all of the other questions were lame. the funny thing is, i have about 10 passwords for different things at work, and this is the only one i’ve forgotten and had to call in to get it. when the lady asked my security question, i laughed.

7. i have a dream house. it has a red door, a white kitched, a jungle-themed nursery for the baby and it will have a neverland-themed playroom when the babies are older. those are actually the only things i care about in my dream house – someone else can pick the rest.

8. my cousin britney’s first word was jana. i know that’s not a fact about me, but i think it’s cool… and i don’t know what my first word was.

9. some days i think it might be cool to have 12 kids.


10. if I could have any job in the world right now i would be a high school teacher. seriously, 11th grade english + an art class.

11. i like to see midnight showings of movies. even if i have to go to work or school the next day, and even if it’s a movie i don’t really even care that much about seeing. if there’s a midnight showing, count me in.

12. speaking of movies, i like going to the theater to see movies way too much. i would rather spend money on a movie than clothes. it doesn’t really make sense, considering clothes last a lot longer, but it does explain my lack of a wardrobe.

13. i sleep at the hess house close to every night. i’m a sucker for sleepovers.

14. i’ve always wanted a good reason to punch someone in the face. i slapped my cousin, britney, once in 7th or 8th grade because she pulled my hair – that’s the closest i got.

15. i’m pretty sure my favorite kind of cookie is sister child’s super duper amazing sugar cookie. but they take me forever to make, and even longer to make pretty, so i only make them 3 times a year – valentine’s day, easter, and christmas.

16. i love to sleep. when i don’t have anything to do in the morning, i could easily sleep 12 hours.

17. with that being said, i am a serious night owl and can run on little or no sleep – i know it doesn’t really make sense. last night i stayed up past one in the morning. i have a pretty good feeling that this exact scene will occur lots of nights after I’m married:

11:00pm
husband: i’m going to bed
me: ok, i’ll be right up.

3 hours later – husband wakes up and walks in the room with sleepy eyes, staring at me incredulously as i’m doing something ridiculous for that time of night/morning
husband: seriously jana?
me: my bad.

britney and i were laughing pretty hard after i said this last night because it’s totally going to happen.


18. i now have 8,003 pictures in iphoto. i really need an external hard drive

19. sometimes, when nothing good is on the radio, i’ll pull my ipod out and listen to that instead [only one headphone, don’t worry – i’m a safe driver]. and sometimes if i don’t have my ipod with me, i’ll just sing whatever song i wish was on the radio.

20. and even though i’m not that talented of a singer, i like to choose which songs i would use for my american idol audition.

21. i am a sucker for reality tv. now i know the bachelor is probably partially staged, and it’s kind of not right to be kissing so many girls at the same time – but i still love it!!!! so much, in fact, that the other night i dreamt i was on the show and when my missionary’s mom heard, i lied and told her my cousin entered me to be funny. that was almost as good as the dream I had about will smith’s family coming over to watch general conference – it was a saturday session too. talk about some serious investigators… anyway, i hardly ever remember my dreams lately, so i think it’s hilarious when i actually do.

22. i have 25 folders on my desktop. my favorite is titled “weddings” – guess what’s inside.

23. i don’t pick favorites. no favorite movie, color, artist, flower. i’m too indecisive for favorites.

24. it drives me crazy when people add the letter s onto words that shouldn’t have it – mostly in regards to people’s last names, stores, and restaurants [ex. nordstroms, bajios...]. it’s like the equivalent of bad grammar to me. like when people say “i says” or “i seen”. ugh, i cringe slightly.

25. the application deadline for the art program at byu is february 15th. yikes – thank goodness for fedex. feel free to keep your fingers crossed for me.


[i already did this on facebook, but i felt like posting it here too - so  a lot of them are the same. feel free to play along!]

dear aldo,

really, 50% off all sale boots? i love you.

i seriously almost bought 3 pairs of boots last night.

oh wait, i did buy 3 pairs of boots last night!

can you blame me?

xoxo.

jana

coyote hills.

anyone that is usually behind the camera knows that means there usually aren't very many pictures of you. 

so i decided to share the camera.

p.s. i cut my own bangs, in case it isn't obvious... you'll have to let me know what you think :)